Alone

Amazingly, I got to church about ten minutes before service started.  This was amazing because I had spent most of my "getting ready for church" time having a "good morning" conversation on the phone with my mom.  I had rushed myself and rushed the girls and rushed to church.

I sat in a row close to the front.  It was completely empty.  People chatted as they started to fill in the seats.  I just sat there, with no one else in my row.  I stared off toward the stage and a very unwelcomed thought entered my head.  

I am alone.  This is how it is.  This is how it will be.  I am alone.

I knew a friend would be coming soon to sit with me, but the thought lingered, and tried to bring me down.  Church hadn't even started yet, and I was being pulled away.

Realizing this, I suddenly had the will to fight back. 

I am not alone. God is here.  He is always here.  He is always with me. Always.  I will never be alone.  I will never, ever be alone.


I was filled with peace and I sat there letting that realization sink in to the depths of my soul.  And then, a few minutes later, my friend showed up, exactly when she was meant to.


***
I haven't written about it, but to make a long story short, my husband had an affair on deployment, and is choosing to leave our family for her.  This has been my deepest valley, and my biggest spiritual battle ever.  And it's not over... it won't be for a very, very long time.

Independence Day

Good friends of mine invited the three of us over for dinner:  normal 4th of July fare - hot dogs and such.  I took our veggie dogs and vegan buns, some potato salad that I whipped up, and chips.  As we were leaving, it was starting to thunder.  Miss Dainty immediately started getting upset, not due to fear, but due to disappointment when I told her the fireworks might be canceled if it stormed.  It rained throughout dinner and then tapered off. 

We waited until the last possible minute before heading to the nearby town that we were going to see the fireworks in.  It was still raining somewhat, and I think all of us adults seriously doubted there would be a show.  But the kids crossed their fingers, and sure enough after waiting a while and after watching lots of people leave, the fireworks did indeed start.  Miss Dainty was ecstatic.  It was a great show, too.  There were several times when we were certain the finale was going, and started to cheer and holler, only to have fireworks start going off again!  I think we ended up with 6 "finales!"  It was quite funny.  The kids loved it.  We had a great time.  =)

Tortillas

Sometimes, I miss home.  A lot.  But not just home, not just my family, but simply, how it used to be.  When this hits... I make tortillas.  And of course, my tortillas don't come out nearly as round as my grandma's, but the girls don't mind.  They love making their own, too, the way I used to when I was a kid.

The best part is for about an hour while I work on dinner, I can picture my grandma's hands kneading the tortilla dough; I can smell my great grandma's kitchen; I can hear my mom's and my sister's laughs as we all chatted at the table; I feel connected.  Just for a little while.

Summer Learning

I can't tell you how many people have asked me, "So are you done with school this year?" (curriculum wise.)
0_o
hehe I never know what to say...
We unschool.
My children never stop learning.  Miss Dainty honestly doesn't realize that there is a time for no "school."  She is constantly asking for it.

We've done so much this summer already.  I'll try to do some posts soon, but today was fun... (well, after a rough, emotional start for me, but.. ah, well... at least it ended good!) And we didn't even go anywhere, really.

After the rough start, I took some quiet time devoted to prayer, and came back downstairs to restart our day.  We ended up painting our nails, watching a few cartoons, painting during Baby D's nap, bike riding, and playing with playdough! 

With the playdough, I sneaked in some learning, introducing Baby D to AB patterns and Miss Dainty to alliteration:  Playdough Penguins Parading Past Paisley Print.  This launched "The Alliteration Game."  We gave each other consonants, and we had to make sentences using that letter.  Quite challenging for a 6 year old's vocabulary, but she did great, and we had a ton of fun. 

I love days like today!  Thankfully, God is helping me hold it together for my girls.  =)

Eviction Notice

Recently, I have realized that I have merely been renting this current life, and apparently, my lease is almost up.  Perhaps, it's always been month to month, and I was just clueless... 
As the day draws nearer, I wonder what direction my life will take next. 

And I wonder how grueling the eviction process will be.

Such a great weekend

A Heartfelt Thanks

Thank you, my friends, for all the support through comments, emails, and prayers.  You have no idea how much they truly mean to me.

I wrote this in an email today:
"ha, nothing scares me anymore."

It felt amazing to write that.  I won't go into all the details of what's been going on, although a few of you do know, but I will say that I've recently discovered how much my self-worth was tied up in certain people and past experiences that were undeserving of defining me.  

I am truly beginning to experience my God given freedom in Jesus.  The emotional release is simply amazing.  His burden truly is light.  I have nothing and no one to fear.  And I have an unconditional forever love waiting for the taking.  God is so good.