Alone

Amazingly, I got to church about ten minutes before service started.  This was amazing because I had spent most of my "getting ready for church" time having a "good morning" conversation on the phone with my mom.  I had rushed myself and rushed the girls and rushed to church.

I sat in a row close to the front.  It was completely empty.  People chatted as they started to fill in the seats.  I just sat there, with no one else in my row.  I stared off toward the stage and a very unwelcomed thought entered my head.  

I am alone.  This is how it is.  This is how it will be.  I am alone.

I knew a friend would be coming soon to sit with me, but the thought lingered, and tried to bring me down.  Church hadn't even started yet, and I was being pulled away.

Realizing this, I suddenly had the will to fight back. 

I am not alone. God is here.  He is always here.  He is always with me. Always.  I will never be alone.  I will never, ever be alone.


I was filled with peace and I sat there letting that realization sink in to the depths of my soul.  And then, a few minutes later, my friend showed up, exactly when she was meant to.


***
I haven't written about it, but to make a long story short, my husband had an affair on deployment, and is choosing to leave our family for her.  This has been my deepest valley, and my biggest spiritual battle ever.  And it's not over... it won't be for a very, very long time.